Success happens by first rewriting our scripts.

Recently, I was engaged in a text chat with a friend about goals and success. He was telling me about his work through next year, and I asked him if he was feeling in alignment. His response was a few emojis indicating that his balance is crazy (⚖️=🤪) and then said he’d feel more “calm” once a few things settled down. I gently weighed in that life is short and that I hoped he was finding time for joy and less worry. My friend replied that he heard me, but likes to use his knowledge, be challenged, and has a desire to “win.”

This comment got me thinking about how I used to define success. Success came from MORE: more hustle, more work, more effort. Success for me was achieving the win, not how I felt on the way to the goal.

In the last few years, my high-achieving self realized I didn’t want to suffer and struggle as much. I wanted to feel joy and presence, and didn’t want to continue to feel like I was constantly chasing the next thing. And, I didn’t want to sacrifice peace and wait for external forces to settle.

Before I shifted the story I was telling myself, winning wasn’t synonymous with inner calm. Putting my nose to the grindstone and fighting for success didn’t work with how I wanted to feel. So I started there. How do I want to feel? Now, how do I achieve while feeling this way?

Using my brain, solving challenges, and “winning” are all accessible while feeling joy and enoughness in each moment. Peace and presence are available even when expanding and growing. I don’t forego problem-solving, I just no longer believe I have to push to find an answer.

Answers come from calm. The right ones aren’t the thief of it.

I guess this is why I have a tattoo of an ampersand on my body. I’m not a big EITHER/OR person. I’m strictly in the BOTH/AND camp… or as my brother and I often quip to one another, “¿Por que no los dos?”

The things we want to achieve don’t have to supersede how we want to feel.

Peace and winning.

Why not both?