How We Do Anything Is How We Do Everything?

pause and eat the peach

World-renowned sociologist Martha Beck is credited with coining the phrase that I think about a lot:

“How you do anything is how you do everything.”

My immediate reaction to this phrase? Poke at it and find the loopholes:

How I drive my car is not how I love my nephew. How I make dinner is not how I travel to a new city. How I befriend my neighbor isn’t how I fight politically. How I strategize for a client isn’t how I swim in the ocean…

How we do one thing is ABSOLUTELY not how we do everything. Or is it?

I like to think of myself as a compassionate person who is understanding and knows how people act is a reflection of who they are at that moment.

And yet, when I’m driving a car, something happens to me:

• Someone pulls out in front of me at the last second? I yell something probably obscene, definitely mean

• Doesn’t move when the light changes? Yep, same.

• Whips around me with no regard to the speed limit in a residential area? This one makes me yell like that stereotypical grandfather shouting for the neighbor kids to get off his lawn, but you get the gist.

It’s really hard for me when I’m on my way somewhere to remember that the rest of the drivers on the road are on their way somewhere, too. When they don’t share my haste, or my adherence to (some) rules, or my courtesy (or lack thereof), I react with sharp judgment. (ICYMI, judgment is selfish)

Is how I drive related to how I love? How I cook? How I help? How I work? How I relax? How I eat a peach?

All things touch. All emotions, reactions, and intentional actions we employ live within us. They are part of our programming - the things that get packed onto us as we live our lives. We discern these actions and reactions as part of our personality. They become our truths and our defaults.

If we have a tendency to react hastily and with hostility in one place, we absolutely have it within us to react the same way everywhere.

Even if Beck’s statement isn’t fallacy-free, it was written by a sociologist, not a lawyer. Loopholes don’t make it false. More than anything, Beck invites us to reflect upon how we manage situations and life experiences and see if there is a correlation with how we act most of the time.

It is our job to understand where our reactions come from so we can do better.

Everything we do in life is an invitation for reflection because how we do one thing is how we could default to doing everything if we’re not paying attention.

How we react becomes a pattern if we don’t pause.

How we act becomes the default if we don’t notice.

How we pass our time goes on autopilot if we’re not taking a moment to be aware of now.

Inherently, I’m impatient. And that can seep into everything I do…whether it’s telling my nephew to hurry up and get his shoes on when we have to leave, or if I’m eating a ripe, juicy delectable August peach on the go because I want to get to the next thing.

But, when I stop to notice how I’m feeling and take time to name my intentions, my reactions don’t have to guide me.

I can understand my underlying reactions and process them

I can change my pattern and my new default can become better

I can decide to be present and then apply that in the moment

How we do anything and everything gets better when we’re paying attention and doing it with intent.

I could also probably swear less when I’m driving…but let’s not get too hasty.

xox,

Michelle

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