To Be Cringe Is To Be Free
I’ve been a fan of Hayley DeRoche for a while, and recently tapped her to speak at CreativeMornings/Richmond.
Hayley, who writes and creates under the name “Sad Beige,” is a poet, writer, and social commentator who just released her book Sad Beige Toys for Sad Beige Children, a tongue-in-cheek love letter to parents drowning in “curation culture.” (And, I’m a particular fan of her detournement poetry.)
While her talk didn’t happen during my time as Host, it finally happened last Friday, and I was able to ask her a question about how she moves through online hate and commentary she receives and still dares to release imperfect work when she has so little time to create.
Her response?
"To be cringe is to be free."
It’s true, and yet, so many of us still face internal resistance when we are ready to launch our own creative projects into the world.
We’ve all been “cringe” before.
Who hasn’t wanted to immediately sink into the abyss and disappear when not met with a favorable response? Just me? Didn’t think so…
Whether it’s the joke that we suddenly realize is slightly off-color, a too-big laugh that fills the room after an unexpected hush, or the voice memo we deleted for the third time because we sounded “weird,” we’ve all had that maybe-I-shouldn’t-have-done-that moment.
Our society effectively trains us to over-polish ourselves into a version of us that is just enough, but not too much.
Many of us take years to realize it’s ok to just be who we are. It took forever for me, which is why I’m so committed to my tagline of Be More You.
Being more of who I really am took a lot of inner work, reflection, and self-compassion. That work led to the realization that being “cringe” often means that we’re visible, vulnerable, and honest.
The thing that makes you want to crawl out of your skin when you say it? That's the part that's actually yours.
There’s very little authenticity in a carefully edited, professionally toned, and universally palatable version of you.
That’s why my last email harped on why I’ve stopped reading people’s AI-polished posts because there’s very little human left in them.
Every time we sacrifice our voice, it costs us connection, relationships, and trust — with others, and with ourselves.
So, if you’d rather be cringe AND more you, here are some small, specific, deeply cringe-worthy ways to start:
Send the voice memo. You know the one you recorded and then deleted because you said "um" a gajillion times? Send it. The um makes it real.
Reply with your actual opinion. Not the "great points on all sides" version. The thing you actually think. Especially if it's inconvenient.
Post it before you've edited out the personality. If you've revised something so many times that it no longer sounds like you said it, you’re erasing your voice.
Say specifically why you loved something. "I loved this because it reminded me of that conversation we had in the parking lot after the conference" is so much more meaningful than "Thanks for sharing!"
Let your sign-off be weird. You may have noticed that my email signature often includes phrases like “Pledging allegiance to humanity.” It felt cringey the first time, but it captured a moment of change in my life when I realized I was done being milquetoast and wanted to let the human shine through.
Use the word you actually use. The world ain’t LinkedIn…it’s way less fake. Even if you’re posting there, use words you’d say to someone in conversation. Stop over-sanitizing.
Each of these small acts of voice rebellion compounds.
Every time you let a little more of your actual self make contact with the world, the gap between who you are and how you communicate gets smaller.
Hayley's book is a commentary on curating an Instagram-worthy view of parenting that helps us all see that none of it matters as much as just being there, in full presence, with ourselves and our kids.
Voice works the same way: You can curate and optimize forever, or you can just show up and say the thing.
Be cringe & be free,
Michelle
P.S. If you want a space to figure out your voice — and what you want to do with it — I'd love to help. Let’s chat.
I just wrapped a season of designing and delivering a series of classes for Amazon’s global robotics organization on topics like “Growing and Leveraging Your Network” and “Confident Communication & Public Speaking.”
I’m also designing new courses on Finding & Using Your Authentic Voice in the Age of AI, and How to Communicate More Authentically and Effectively. Interested in developing something meaningful for your org? Let’s connect!
Want to work together?
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Seek yourself. Be more you.
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How we practice is how we change. And how we change is how the world changes. Practice being more you.
