Not an “Attitude of Gratitude” Post

AKA Why I Have an Ampersand Tattoo

No one reads blogs the day before Thanksgiving, but here we are. There must be a few people out there looking at their computer wanting to finish that one last thing and procrastinating by clicking through socials and pop-ups (guilty!). So for you, I’ll make this interesting and not about the typical “attitude of gratitude” even though there’s nothing wrong with that.

This blog is about being grateful…but it’s not. It’s about a conversation I had via text yesterday.

The text I received: “I should just be grateful for all of the things in my life, but I feel so bitter and sad for what we’ve lost.”

Before I give you my response, I just want to deconstruct this problematic statement.

The problem isn’t that he felt sad. And it isn’t even that he felt bitter. There is nothing wrong with these feelings (or the person) at all.

The worst part of the statement is that they contain two words that, when misused, are completely toxic.

The words are SHOULD and BUT.

For those of you who are currently having conflicting emotions, I’m going to ask you to consider a simple reframe.

Remove the should. Remove the but. Add an AND.

My response: “It’s ok to be both. One doesn’t cancel the other. Humans have the capacity to feel grateful and sad at the same time.”

These big feels and patterns don’t just apply to the holidays; they show up in all aspects of our everyday lives — our businesses, our jobs, and our relationships.

And, they keep us conflicted, confused, and exhausted.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the energy to continually swap out one emotion for another — sometimes in a toxic manner. I don’t have a lot of room in my life anymore for battling. I’ve replaced the fight with noticing, witnessing, appreciating, and giving myself more grace. (it’s not easy, but it’s a practice and it does get easier)

Making meaningful progress in life doesn’t happen in the big moments.

The magic is in the small shifts that we make every day so we can feel how we feel without trying to stuff it down or manage it into something we’re not ready for. This is how we find peace with ourselves, so we can bring that peace into the world.

I am grateful for my life, my work, my family, and my friends. I’m bitter and sad that my parents aren’t here anymore. I’m also so happy that I can feel the impact of their lives everywhere.

There is room for all of this inside of me, and I continue to imagine what I can do if I make more room by simply acknowledging that we all have multiple emotions happening at any given time. How would the world be different if we all showed up this way?

I wish you peace and love throughout your days. Most of all, I wish you all of the things you are feeling…and the kindness to yourself to be a part of it all.

P.S. I’m currently interviewing visionaries who have ditched their plan to pursue their purpose for my new YouTube show launching next year. If you’re interested in being a guest, click the link below and I’ll send you more information.