Values Are Verbs, Not Nouns
A few weeks ago, I was helping a client strategize her next steps in alignment with her core values.
When we got to “authenticity,” which she listed, I asked her what that looked like in her daily life.
"Well, I believe in being authentic. It's important to me."
I asked her a few more questions. Then, she had the moment where she realized some of her biggest struggles were related to not following an authentic course of action. Her “authenticity” had become more of an identity marker – a title – rather than something she practiced when things got hard.
If you’ve ever done any work with me or heard me speak – whether in an official capacity or in a passionate rant during a happy hour – you know I talk a lot about values.
The work of values, however, goes beyond identifying them and listing them on our websites, LinkedIn profiles, and bios: we have to put them into practice.
Values aren’t merit badges (as a former Girl Scout, I did love getting a new badge!).
Values are verbs disguised as nouns.
Authenticity? It isn't something you have. It's something you practice — in the moment you tell the truth even when it's awkward, when you admit you don't have all the answers, when you let people see you without the polish.
When you say you’re all about relationships and connection, it means putting down your phone during dinner, asking the harder follow-up question, and showing up for someone when it's inconvenient or uncomfortable.
Courage isn't a personality trait you either possess or don't. It's what happens every time you speak up in the meeting, share your work publicly, or say no to something that doesn't align with who you're becoming. Trust me – that last one is hard for me, too.
The difference between performing our values and living them is the difference between who we say we are and who we actually are.
Most of us know our values; we just don’t have the self-trust, clarity, boundaries, and frameworks to live them.
I see this especially with women clients, though this isn’t about gender — more about being human. We often wait for the right moment, the perfect circumstances, the right credentials, the right level of confidence before living in alignment with what we value.
We worry about what the cost will be: the comfort of where we are, the approval of the people around us, the familiarity that comes from blending in and going along with the group instead of taking a stand.
We often succumb to “if this, then that” type of thinking – once we have the degree, the documentation, the proof, the research, the time, the money, the right house, the right body, the perfect <INSERT YOUR VERSION OF WHATEVER IS IDEAL HERE>, then we can move forward and step into that future self that has everything together.
This type of “magical” thinking doesn’t work.
Our lives are shaped by what we do, not what we intend.
Activating our values means we have to make them verbs:
If you value creativity, when was the last time you actually created something? (please note, I’ve embarked on my era of sh!tty watercolor painting)
If you value growth, what are you actively learning, changing, or letting go of right now?
If you value presence, how are you practicing being here now, instead of everywhere else – online or irl?
If you value integrity, where are you aligning your actions with your beliefs, even when it's hard?
This is the identity work that matters most, not the Instagram-worthy list of values we wish defined us, but the daily, unglamorous practice of living them — especially when it's inconvenient, uncomfortable, or unclear.
When I work with my clients, we don't start with "what do you want to say?" We start with "what do you actually value — and how are you living it?"
Your voice — your real, authentic voice — emerges from the place where your values meet your actions.
When there's alignment between what you claim to value and how you're actually showing up in the world, that's when people feel it.
That's when your presence becomes magnetic, your message becomes clear, and your work becomes meaningful.
That’s when your life becomes unstuck and you can make progress toward living more freely and fully.
But when there's a gap? When you're performing values instead of practicing them? That's when everything feels forced, inauthentic, like you're constantly trying to convince people (and yourself) of who you are.
The invitation this week:
Pick one value that matters to you. Just one, my dear overachievers…
Now ask yourself: What would it look like to practice this value today? Not someday when you're allegedly ready, not in some grand gesture, but right now in the ordinary moments of your actual life.
Go. Do that. And then let me know how it goes.
xox,
Michelle
P.S. If you're realizing there's a gap between the values you claim and the life you're living — and are ready to start showing up as the person you actually want to be — I'd love to support you. Typically, my clients are in the process of transition/transformation – personally or professionally (or both) – and ready to get clear, understand their blocks and challenges, and create practical ways to take action in their life and work. If this is you, let’s chat. If you know someone else who could benefit, please make an introduction!
P.P.S. When I ask myself this question about my own value of curiosity, I realize it's not enough to just be interested in things. Real curiosity means asking the questions I'm actually afraid to ask, exploring the territory that makes me uncomfortable, and being willing to change my mind when I learn something new. That's the verb version. What's yours?
Excited to lead a session at the 31st Annual Women's Leadership Colloquium at UMW on Thursday, November 6th on "Finding & Using Your Authentic Voice." Since so many of you in my network in the DC Metro/Richmond/Fredericksburg areas may be interested in this day of connection, growth, and inspiration, I'm sharing the link below to learn more about this opportunity to gain fresh insights, build your network, and be part of a community that empowers and uplifts. All are welcome to attend. Registration is OPEN here!
Want to explore how to work together?
I do identity work. Whether you are looking to rediscover who you are now, realign and strategize a way forward, or want to reclaim your voice and show up in the world, I can help. While I focus on life strategy and navigation using everything from human design, tarot, and 1:1 coaching, I also support personal brand voice discovery and content writing. Seek yourself. Be more you.
Everything touches. I am here to support you in making meaningful progress to live more freely & fully.
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Be who you are. Lead with curiosity & love. The world will respond.
