The Gap Between Who You Were and Who You're Becoming
"For the past 5 years, I've had the pleasure of closing out our CreativeMornings/Richmond events every month with a segment that has been dubbed by our team the 'Michelle Moment.' Today is my last one."
I said these words last Friday morning to a room full of people who’ve been a part of my soul for the past 8+ years.
For over a year, I'd been thinking about stepping down as the CreativeMornings Host. Not because I don't love this community and hosting these events each month with my whole heart, but because I do.
Richmond is creative. And, to me, creativity means that we look for ways to bring meaningful things to life in fresh ways with new perspectives.
During my time as host, I'm most proud of who we've brought to the stage and how we've broadened the capacity, diversity, and strengths of our team. I'm impressed by the experiences we've created together on the 3rd Friday of every month.
What I’m processing with this change – and with all of the “identity” changes I’ve had this year in turning 50, shifting my business offers, stepping away from some volunteer boards, and full-time renting of my retreat house in Irvington to step fully into my Richmond life –
Letting go of something that's been part of your identity for years is one of the hardest things you can do, even when you know it's right.
For five years, being the CreativeMornings Host has been woven into how I introduce myself, how people know me in Richmond, and how I show up in this city. It's been a source of pride, purpose, and connection.
Choosing to step away from it, and all of the other shifts of this year, is what I want to do because I’m making more space for my own creativity, gifts, priorities, and practices.
I’m moving away from these “roles” to discover more about what’s “real” past the titles, services, and activities that I do.
This is the gap I've been sitting in — the space between who I was and who I’m becoming.
While I’m privileged to be able to make this choice, it’s hella uncomfortable here.
When I work with my 1:1 coaching clients, we often talk about this gap and how it’s important to mourn the old identity before stepping into the new.
Whether our identity shifts are a choice – or forced by life circumstances like divorce, death, employment change, health circumstances, kids leaving home (or returning!), or other “non” choices (cough the government cough) that are foisted upon us – change is fucking hard.
It’s also the thing that is 100% absolutely guaranteed in life.
It’s hard to be in a place where you aren’t who you were, and you’ve not yet moved fully into who you’re becoming.
It’s why so many people resist being with themselves in these moments and choose to numb and avoid with substances (alcohol, drugs, food) and behaviors (staying exceedingly “busy” and packing their schedules, actively striving to “figure it out,” shopping, and even excessive “self-care” and working out).
We humans are a complicated lot. But being human isn’t something to overcome. It’s something to work with.
The gap is where the real work happens.
We often see everyone’s “after” moments – post-transformation and thriving, not the flaming dumpster fires they had to go through to get there.
The gap is where you’re grieving and growing at the same time.
It feels icky – my go-to word for when I’m sick of being in the muck and just want it to be over already) – which is why we try to rush through it.
Please know that if you're in your own gap right now — between identities, between seasons, between who you've been and who you're becoming — you are NORMAL.
This isn’t a YOU thing, it’s a HUMAN thing.
But what you choose to do with it is a YOU thing…
It's ok to be uncomfortable. Transitions are supposed to be. That’s what keeps us moving through them.
Because I have a bunch to say on this topic, my reflections are going to be a two-parter. Next week, I want to talk about what happens when we actually stay in the gap instead of running from it.
What becomes possible when we stop numbing and avoiding and actually let ourselves be in transition?
The gap is not a problem to solve. It's a space to inhabit.
xox,
Michelle
CreativeMornings Hosts - past & present! I took the reins from Jolinda, on the right, over 5 years ago. Linzy, on the left, will be carrying us forward.
Want to explore how to work together?
I do identity work. Whether you are looking to rediscover who you are now, realign and strategize a way forward, or want to reclaim your voice and show up in the world, I can help. While I focus on life strategy and navigation using everything from human design, tarot, and 1:1 coaching, I also support personal brand voice discovery and content writing. Seek yourself. Be more you.
Everything touches. I am here to support you in making meaningful progress to live more freely & fully.
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Be who you are. Lead with curiosity & love. The world will respond.
